Satire #3 (hardcore one)

- I´m sorry but your bag is too big and will not fit, you´ll need to check it.

- No, last time you lost my bag. I will make it fit.

- For starters, I didn´t loose shit. Second, David Fucking-Coperfield couldn´t make that hunk of shit fit. And third, if you didn´t try to fit every fucking thing you own into one bag just to avoid checking it properly we wouldn´t be having this discussion. So, it goes outside.

- Fine. Where is my seat?

- I don´t know. I´m not a damn mind reader. What does your ticket say?

- 23B. But I don´t think I want that seat.

- Why not?

- I want to seat closer to the front.

- Well, I know this might come as a chock to you but the whole plane is flying to the same place. So, how about not being even more of a pain in my ass and sitting in your assigned seat??

- Fine. Where is it?

- Whatta hell? Did you just check your common sense along with that bag? I would imagine 23B would be right after 22B and probably right before 24B.

- What side is B on?

- Are you shitting me? The plane isn´t that big, there are only two sides to it. We only use four letters in order not to confuse jackasses like you. One side says CD, the other says AB. That would be the side you are on. The one with the letter B in it. Now move along, you are holding up the line.

- Ok. How do you work the seatbelt?

- Are you fucking serious?

- Yes.

- Holly hell, you are killing me! Did you forget from last time you flew? It´s not rocket science - stick the little end into the big end. Do you think I stand up here and give a safety demo for my health? Pay attention. We show foolish people like you something they should have learned years ago how to fastened a seatbelt.

- Do I get a meal?

- Seriously? No, you don´t get a damn meal. The flight is only like 30 minutes.

- I want a meal.

- And I want you to shut the hell up and sit down already but we can´t have everything we want, can we? You will be lucky If I give you anything out of the other a kick in the face right now. Are we still doing this?! Go sit down!

- Is there an inflight movie?

- No genious, there is no inflight movie. I told you the flight is only 30 minutes.

- Can I use my cell phone?

- No.

- What if it´s just to text?

- No.

- Why not?

- Fuck me! I don´t know, maybe because the plane will crash and blow up and it´ll be all your fault. Or maybe because I fucking said so. Now for my sanity go sit down!

- Ok fine, where is the toilet?

- Jeezz, who are you? Stevie Wonder? Do you need a map? There is only one way you can go. Go fucking look for it.

- Will you account my drink? Because you made me check my bag.

- No really? We are back to the bag again? No, I will not give you a free drink because you are an idiot, ok?