Happy New Year!!

You know that you´re a flight attendant when...

... you can eat a four course meal standing at the kitchen counter!

Merry Christmas!!!

You know that you´re a flight attendant when...

... All of your pens have different hotel names on them!

Being a flight attendant at home

So imagine you´re at home, doing some fancy cooking (not really...just warming up something in the microwave) and then suddenly - bamm! - you see that your device caught on fire!! We go so often through fire fighting training that when something like this happens, we just tend to remain calm and instantly react following a certain procedure.

So, first thing that came to mind was:

"Ohhh shiiitt!"

Then,

1. Switch the device off.

2. Close the microwave door.

3. Inform the captain...

Oh wait..I´m at home, there´s no captain!!

And just like that, the small fire was extinguished in just a few seconds..

Needless to say that unfortunately we had a fatality - the microwave didn´t survive..

:)

Courtesy of the fabulous Flight Deck #3

You know that you´re a flight attendant when...

... You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads - but not by their faces!

Boarding time..

Why do people so often don´t give a shit about others? It´s not rare to see so many passengers blocking the boarding flow because they decide to take all their shit out of their bags in the middle of the aisle. And they know they have hundreds of people waiting on them - but they just don´t care.

My mind goes like:

Are you ok? You don´t see all this people jammed up waiting on you? You don´t see any of that, do you? ohhhh, this is your world, it´s all about you, hey? You let us know when you´re all set, "captain you-planet".

Some want to spend as little time as possible there.. Others enjoy every second.

"Do not travel in order to reach a destination, but to travel", Johann von Goethe once said.

Ok, last post about the arrivals hall..!!!!

You know you´re a flight attendant when...

... you can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit in the overhead bin!

Proposal

There comes a time in every mans life when he must figure out how to ask a very important question, and every man reacts differently.

Some will cower and back down while others will cautiously step up to the plate.

There is a third group, however. This is the group that goes above and beyond, and fortunately for us, also somehow manage to capture all of the action on camera.

Ahaha..while entering a plane...

... you see Chucky, the baby terror!

Again, the Arrivals Hall..

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around..

You know you´re a flight attendant when...

... You always point with two fingers!

Why do girls only fall in love with assholes?

Really.. Why is that?

And pilots are here no exception at all. I´ve dated a few of their species and I´ve seen a lot too, and believe me, some can be the bigggest dipshit assholes ever.. It amazes me how many of them can live two very different lives and have it totally undiscovered.

It´s not hard I guess, because they´re many nights away from home, from their boring wives and loud kids. They arrive in an idyllic destination far away from home, where problems don´t exist, where cute young hostess enjoy life. Partying is a must. And everything is superficial.

And when the right boy comes along you´re too blind, ´cause you´ve spent too much time with idiots..

How to tell if there is a terrorist at the airport...

Come fly with me...

Chain Vomit

A group of travellers who got a food intoxication while in their holidays boarded my aircraft and spent the whole flight vomiting. All lavatories where disgusting and the smell, oh jeez...that smell.. Glad the flight is over. Being a flight attendant confined in a tin can flying at 38´000 feet with no possible escape sucks sometimes!

Runways..

Right now, from my flat, I´m watching airplanes land. And if it wasn´t snowing, I´d be outside in the balcony enjoying a glass of wine while watching them touch down..



One of the happiest places on Earth...

... the Arrivals Hall

You know you´re a flight attendant when...

...  your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows!

Satire #3 (hardcore one)

- I´m sorry but your bag is too big and will not fit, you´ll need to check it.

- No, last time you lost my bag. I will make it fit.

- For starters, I didn´t loose shit. Second, David Fucking-Coperfield couldn´t make that hunk of shit fit. And third, if you didn´t try to fit every fucking thing you own into one bag just to avoid checking it properly we wouldn´t be having this discussion. So, it goes outside.

- Fine. Where is my seat?

- I don´t know. I´m not a damn mind reader. What does your ticket say?

- 23B. But I don´t think I want that seat.

- Why not?

- I want to seat closer to the front.

- Well, I know this might come as a chock to you but the whole plane is flying to the same place. So, how about not being even more of a pain in my ass and sitting in your assigned seat??

- Fine. Where is it?

- Whatta hell? Did you just check your common sense along with that bag? I would imagine 23B would be right after 22B and probably right before 24B.

- What side is B on?

- Are you shitting me? The plane isn´t that big, there are only two sides to it. We only use four letters in order not to confuse jackasses like you. One side says CD, the other says AB. That would be the side you are on. The one with the letter B in it. Now move along, you are holding up the line.

- Ok. How do you work the seatbelt?

- Are you fucking serious?

- Yes.

- Holly hell, you are killing me! Did you forget from last time you flew? It´s not rocket science - stick the little end into the big end. Do you think I stand up here and give a safety demo for my health? Pay attention. We show foolish people like you something they should have learned years ago how to fastened a seatbelt.

- Do I get a meal?

- Seriously? No, you don´t get a damn meal. The flight is only like 30 minutes.

- I want a meal.

- And I want you to shut the hell up and sit down already but we can´t have everything we want, can we? You will be lucky If I give you anything out of the other a kick in the face right now. Are we still doing this?! Go sit down!

- Is there an inflight movie?

- No genious, there is no inflight movie. I told you the flight is only 30 minutes.

- Can I use my cell phone?

- No.

- What if it´s just to text?

- No.

- Why not?

- Fuck me! I don´t know, maybe because the plane will crash and blow up and it´ll be all your fault. Or maybe because I fucking said so. Now for my sanity go sit down!

- Ok fine, where is the toilet?

- Jeezz, who are you? Stevie Wonder? Do you need a map? There is only one way you can go. Go fucking look for it.

- Will you account my drink? Because you made me check my bag.

- No really? We are back to the bag again? No, I will not give you a free drink because you are an idiot, ok? 

You know you´re a flight attendant when...

... All of your pens have different hotel names on them!

Who said Cabin Crew can´t have fun??!

OMG! - I just saw my pilots ding dong..!!!!!

Why do this things happen to me???! And I´m not even kidding..

At 38´000 feet, stupid me opened the lavatory door although being occupied and saw my first officer doing his business.. Jeezz, this is the second time lavatory A surprises me with a ding dong.

And before you say "that was your fault!", keep in mind that that toilet flush was broken and unusable, the pilot had been advised, we all decided to close and lock the lavatory and before I even unlocked and opened it I actually knocked at the door to be sure no one was inside (useless I thought, because no one could have been there - but still) . And I got no reply and everything was silent. Until I opened the door and saw his baby maker.

Dear 7F...

... what the heck is wrong with you woman? On one of your boobs you had a baby sucking on your milk. And on your other hand you had a glass of vodka and you where drinking frenetically out of it. Not just one glass. Nore two. And it was only 5 o´clock in the freaking morning!! Even tough I trully respect your culture, and I know for hundreds of years ago people did the same and look at us - we´re still all here, it just chocks me - you´re feeding your baby with alcohol.. jeez..

You know you´re a flight attendant when...

...you look for the “crew line” at the grocery store!

After being almost 4 months away, I was scheduled with my first flight to the city and country I have left. Sadly no overnight, just a very quick turnaround. Nevertheless, I was super happy. I kept telling it over and over again on our Athens layover the day before. My crew couldn´t hear me anymore :)

So the next day, super exciting me was very enthusiastic and, I guess, with huge expectations. Well let me tell you just this: I only had two passengers on that flight, and they were the biggest dipshit assholes in aviation history. Jeezzz! Honestly, I really felt ashamed at the end of the flight..

So Mr.1A, very busy busy man, had to unpack all of his work stuff and make the aircraft look like his freakin office - yep, those kind of passengers who, when the gear is almost down, still have all traytables unfolded, laptops on and the old same story on the tip of their tongues "I´m already turning it off, it´s just saving my files". After checking the rest of the cabin, I come back and - oh big surprise - everything looks the same, and they are even still writing stuff. By this point I was so pissed off with this men, that with a really deep, stern voice and a Cruella de Vil lookalike face I sad: "Either you turn it off right now or we won´t land", and had to babysit him until he did so. This man, was just horror the whole flight:

It was only a 60min short one, I had just served dinner and on the way to the galley I heard the call from the PA "If there´s a doctor on board, please immediately contact the cabin crew, we need you´re assistance". In a second I grabbed the interphone, shortly informed the captain, picked the first aid kit up and went to the back of the plane. Not a big deal - just someone dying out there, but Mr "oh I´m so important" 1A kept ringing his call button: he wanted a coke. "Make it with ice and lemon". Within 10min he did that twice. He saw how I was running back and forth with towels, medical kits, hand gloves, ringing the captain over the phone informing him how the sick passenger was doing and so on. But that didn´t make any difference to him. Then again: "ding"! What a surprise: dear 1A wanted now wine. "Would you rather have a red or a white one?", I asked. "What kind of wines do you have?", he asked back. I presented him the whole assortment we have, I had to explain him what kind of grapes each one had, what was the producing year, etc, etc. After that I asked him: "So, which one would you rather have?". "Well, just give me from each one a little glass, I want to try them out", he said. Jeeezzz! For realz???!!!!!! Someone else would have explained him again the medical case situation and ask for his cooperation to take just one type of wine, but asshole me can´t do that. I always feel that these passengers pay a lot of money and deserve the service they want. After  all, it wasn´t his fault we had a medical situation on board. So there I went to my galley, hiding my bland smile and opened all wine bottles (which again, took me some time, damn corks!) and poured it into glasses. I served him. No "thank you" came from his mouth. Later on, he asked for a coffee. We were 15min away from touching down and the seat belt signs were already on and the galley secured for landing. This time I had to say no. Monsieur was not happy at all. Really, those are the kind of passengers that pisses even the most acquiescent angel off.
But the really funny twist of this whole thing is yet to come.
The next day, I flew the same route, but this time as a passenger. I was sitting in business when a very familiar face sat next to me. I looked at him, he looked at me and Mr.1A sure recognized me, even without an uniform. I friendly greeted him (honest friendliness, I really don´t hold any anger from anyone/anything, actually to the contrary  - I always find this behaviours funny and fascinating at the end of the day!) and I guess he might have felt embarrassed, because on this flight, he was very quiet and not demanding at all to my colleagues. But then again, I was sitting next to him..

You know you´re a flight attendant when...

... you NEVER unpack!

Alright..

.. so I´m back in my new country, so let´s stop asap with the muschi, muschi, girly talk, and get back to business.

:)

Just like in the movies...

It was a short red-eye flight and we had already been waiting at the airport over two hours for the aircraft to arrive for the handover flight. A delay, crew contact didn´t inform us. So we were kinda pissed. And I was deligthed when it finally got time to pick the crewbus and head to the aircraft.

It was a pitch dark night, but the sky was clear and the moon was shining on the tarmac. And it was a quiet night too, there wasn´t much traffic at the airport.

The crewbus was now approaching our aircraft. And then I saw him. We were still far away from the parking position, but his silhouette was just unmistakable. He was checking the engines with his torch and the sexy uniform. My heart just skipped a beat. I immediately refreshed my lip gloss and adjusted my uniform. "Jeez, I hope I look great", I thought. And trying my best pose, I left the bus and headed to the aircraft stairs as charming as possible and, of course, giving him the feeling I hadn´t noticed him. I changed a couple of words with the ramp agent to sort out any special passengers and boarding time and then climbed up the stairs into the aircraft, starting my pre-flight checklists. But my mind was somewhere else. All I wanted was for him not to go away without coming on board and speak to me. We hadn´t seen each other for almost a month. I was getting more and more butterflies in my stomach as time passed by. Standing on top of the aircraft stairs, I looked down to see if his car was still there. Yes, it was! And then it happened. When I was least expecting it, I saw him at the bottom of the stairway. He started climbing the stairs and suddenly our eyes met and a huge smile was impossible to hide from both sides. He and his workmate then exchanged some words with the captain. When they finished they told me the cabin was also cleared and with no technical defaults. I guess the workmate (a new one, never had seen him before) felt something was going on so he left and went waiting outside. Oh jeez, I didn´t even notice time passing by, he was standing near my jumpseat and I was just opposite him and we talked and talked. In between times I gave him the hint to go away (I mean, we were working, after all..) but he just wouldn´t leave, what made me even more happy - I had the feeling he was glad too, to see me and didn´t want the moment to go away. And then damn it - I saw the bus in the distance coming in (It had to be ours, no other aircraft was leaving that night so late..). So we said goodbye, each one waiting for the other to kiss. But none of us did (yep, we´re idiots..!). So then he left.
Usually I´m not like this, but things are just complicated. We had been seeing each other for some months but an inevitable goodbye is getting close and it´s approaching so damn quickly. My body was exploding with oxytocins and the love hormones were finding it hard seeing him go away. So this is what happened next:
A bus full with passengers (mine!!) was slowly approaching the aircraft, the workmate and ramp agent were waiting down the stairway and the moon was bright and shinny. He had just taken two steps going downstairs so, from behind, I grabbed him, pulled his fleece and called his name. He turned towards me. I grabbed him and gently kissed his lips. Standing higher than him, I leant in closer to him and soflty grabbed his cheeks, never letting go of his lips. So many people where around us but still, in our hearts, we were alone - that was our moment, it will always be. Love was definitely in the air. The bus was approaching faster and faster, and we had no time left. I whispered something in his hears, we kissed again and with a huge smile, both went to work. Oh love..

Written in June 2012

An unexpected visit..

Every single passenger was already on board, when the Ramp Agent told me, we would have to wait some more minutes - the captain had found some nasty blood stains on the nose of the aircraft and that was being checked. So I took that time to do some pre-flight work in the galley and also decided to bring the captain his coffee. And then it happened, as soon as I set foot in the cockpit - my heart skipped a beat!!

Standing in the cockpit, I could see my boy outside, hanging on the nose of the airplane. It looked funny and was unexpected. We were just a few feet apart but still, so far away (since we couldn´t touch or talk to each other). I was so flabbergasted that I forgot to serve the coffee. I was just standing there, holding a hot cup in my hand with a huge stupid smile in my face. He also didn´t know I was on board so, when our eyes crossed each other, we looked astonished, smiled, "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" to each other and went back to work with a huge smile on our faces. What a way to begin the day!

And well, he did a good job, because we didn´t crash today!

Written in Spring 2012

Personal post anticipating an even more personal post

I´m on a visit to the dear land I have left for a few months. And I have a confession to make: I was a bitch to all of you. In the past, I have posted a lot of stuff about my adventures at 38´000 feet, but not much touching my private adventures. Stuff about love, you know? I don´t know why, it´s just too personal. But I always knew I am leaving a lot of amazing stuff out, many posts are written but kept private and I think it´s time to let some of them out there...in the jungle. It´s not a promise, just an idea, let´s see how it goes. But today I feel like sharing.

Yesterday was a great night. Although we haven´t seen each other for almost 4 months, we´ve been writing a lot. Let´s face it, as hard as it is - things are over. But there´s something still out there. I just don´t know what.. He came straight from the airport and after taking a quick shower we met in a quiet place in the city. We ate, we drank, we talked, we laughed.  And then we went to his place. What was supposed to take just a few minutes (he just wanted to show me some pictures of his last vacation) ended up being a long night of movies, even more talking and even more laughing. Our hands touched. Our legs felt the warmth from each other. And you know that butterfly feeling you get when you´re with someone that´s not indifferent to you? I felt his edginess, on that quiet night only interrupted by the voices of the movie, I felt his shivering. I felt he was feeling something too. But I decided I wouldn´t kiss him. I could have..but then again, I can´t. Things are complicated right now. He was going to drive me home. We went down the stairs and opened the front door. And then wow!, what a romantic and unforgettable sight - unexpectedly, huge, beautiful white snow flakes were dropping from the sky. It was the first snow of the year. None of us were expecting it. And what a cold, quiet night it was! As my high heels first step the snow I had to look up. I wanted to feel the snow landing slowly on my face. I opened my arms, closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment. His worked-out body was so close, I could have seeked warmth from his strong arms and love from his soft lips. But then again.. I couldn´t. Things are too complicated right now.

This will probably make you understand the next post.

View from my window...

Dear 2A...

... why the heck would you have to slam into my galley and throw me 500,-USD?? A no is a no and no money would make me give you that bottle of wine (although it was hell tempting!) - you´d already had too much and enough is enough. Jeez..worse than a child... Though thank you for the 50,-USD you throw me while leaving the jet (and btw, what´s wrong with you, throwing money all the time????!!) and the smile and "thank you" you gave me - I´m glad you´ve enjoyed the flight after all..

Dear 2C...

... would you please stop looking at my boobs when I´m offering you your breakfast tray..? It was really obvious because when I came a second time with your coffee you did the same. Why do passengers flying business often think they can get the WHOLE service on board???

:)

OMG..it´s been so long I last post something that´s even embarassing writing something in here..

I´m not trying to get any escuses, but believe me, It was not my purpose being away for so long. I eventually wanted to have written something before. But..

I changed country,

I changed airline, 

and I changed my position, going throw a long process of training.

I don´t know If you have already done something like this before - in order to pursuit your dream, leaving the country where you grew up or lived for the past years and leaving family and friends behind. For me, this was the second time changing a flag..

But, the good thing about working for an airline, is that you can travel around the world almost for free and so I get to see my country, family and friends quite often - no complaining in here!

So now I´m working for an even bigger company, with bigger jets and even more exciting destinations around the world.

So come fly again with me baby..!

still alive :)

Hi everyone.

I´ve been away for a week or so.

I have really huge exciting news so stay tunned!

I´m having some internet problems as well so I´ll probably be missing in action for a couple more weeks, but come back again soon. I guess you´ll be surprised :)

Did you know that...

.. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one single olive from each salad served in first-class?

And that...

.. stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand?

"Airplanes and airports have my favourite kind of food service, my favourite kinds of entertainment, my favourite graphics and colours, the best service checks, the best views, the best employees and the best optimism."

Andy Warhol, 1977

Incident of the week #22

Sometimes something really mysterious happens during cruising altitude...

This happened this weed to a TAM Airbus A320 flight from Rio de Janeiro to Belem (Brazil). One (or more) of the 126 passengers seemed to be bored and decided to create a small fire on both (forward and aft) lavatories from the A320 mid flight. And no one really knows what really happened or who caused it. Fact is that while cruising at 35,000 feet, the crew received a fire indication and an emergency descend was immediately made, diverting the aircraft to Brasilia (Brazil). Mistakenly, the communication between cabin and cockpit crew was opened and, as a consequence, the passengers heard everything and a bit of panic was installed. The indication followed an actual fire, that cabin crew immediately took control and were able to fight. Traces of flammable liquid and burnt paper were found on both toilets. An investigation has now been open.

rain rain go away!

Incident of the week #21

Sometimes an aircraft is on final approach, preparing itself to land when something goes wrong.

This happened this week to a Dana Air MD-83 flight from Abuja to Lagos (Nigeria). The flight went smoothly but on final approach to Lagos the flight crew reported both engines had failed and they were fighting to control the aircraft. Possible reason for the double engine failure are yet unknown (bird strike seems unlikely). Due to the low safety record from various airlines based in Afrika, the airline was suspended and no Dana Air flights are currently being operated. Nevertheless, the airline stated that the aircraft last A-Check was completed on May 30th 2012, with the next C-Check required until September 2012. Also, the aircraft had performed several flights the days before, reporting no anomalies. Both black boxes were recovered from the debris and are now being analysed.

Fact is that the the US captain (who had over 18,000 total flying hours and had just moved from Florida, being at the airline only since 3 months) and the indian first officer (who had little over 1,000 total hours of flying experience) lost control after lossing its both engines while on final approach to Lagos. The secondhand aircraft then collided with a power line about 2 km (1.4 miles) from the runway, plunging into a built area. In result, a number of residential houses around the crash site were destroyed and all 147 passengers and 6 crew on board perished, as well as 16 people on ground, who were amongst a crowded Lagos suburb.

Was AF Captain with a woman when flight 447 was in trouble?

In the final chaotic moments before Air France flight 447 crashed into the Atlantic Ocean in 2009, it took the captain of the aircraft, who was on a scheduled break, more than a minute to return to the cockpit, despite his two co-pilots’ frantic calls for help, black box recordings showed.

Although it was never revealed what delayed Capt. Marc D., two independent sources told ABC News that the 58-year-old veteran Air France pilot was traveling socially with an off-duty Air France flight attendant named Veronique G..

Jean-Paul Troadec, the director of BEA, the French authority conducting the investigation into the Flight 447 crash, told ABC News that G. was not part of their investigation because the agency was “not interested” in the “private life of the pilot.” Troadec added that he did not think the captains alleged relations with G. aboard the plane would have played a role in the accident.

Air France 447 was on an overnight trip from Rio de Janiero to Paris on May 31, 2009 when it vanished. The plane crashed into the Atlantic Ocean in the early morning hours of June 1, 2009.

Three years after the accident, a final report has now finally been released, explaining what happened that night at 38,000 feet. Black box tapes recovered from the wreckage two years after the crash, in April 2011, revealed that Capt. D. left the cockpit for a scheduled nap about four hours into the flight, around the same time Flight 447 was about to enter a severe thunderstorm which other flights had avoided.

Once in the storm, the plane’s pitot tube, a critical piece of equipment that tells the pilot the aircraft’s air speed, failed, likely from ice crystals forming on it, according to BEA officials who inspected the wreckage. When the pitot tube fails, the Airbus A330′s automatic pilot system disengages, shifting control back to the pilot.

According to the tapes, First Officer Cedric B., a 32-year-old pilot who had fewer than 5,000 flight hours under his belt, was at the controls but had never been in this situation before at high altitude. He made the fatal mistake of pulling the plane’s nose up, which caused it to go into a deep stall.

Within seconds, the plane was plummeting about 120 miles an hour in the dark, belly first, with the nose slightly elevated.

“It seems that the pilots did not understand the situation and they were not aware that they had stalled,” Troadec said.

The co-pilots asked where the captain was and called for help several times before Captain D. returned to the cockpit, the black box tapes showed. When Captain D. burst in, he found a scene of utter confusion.

“What’s happening?” D. was heard saying on the black box recordings.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” one of the co-pilots replied.

“I have a problem…I have no more displays,” D. said.

They never regained control of the plane, and in the confusion, co-pilot Cedric B. thought his instruments were wrong. He was so befuddled that he was heard asking, “Am I going down now?”

All 228 passengers and crew aboard Air France flight 447 were killed.

Courtesy of the fabulous flight deck #4

The before naked check list.... keep on dreaming captain!

Historical screw-ups #2

On November 3, 1973, a National Airlines DC-10 aircraft was operating as a scheduled passenger flight between Miami and San Francisco with intermediate stops at New Orleans, Houston and Las Vegas.

At about 4:40 p.m., while the aircraft was cruising at 39,000 feet (12,000 m) 65 miles southwest of Albuquerque, the No. 3 engine fan assembly disintegrated in an uncountained failure. Its fragments penetrated the fuselage, the Nos. 1 and 2 engine nacelles (which contain those engines), and the right wing area. The resultant damage caused decompression of the aircraft cabin and the loss of certain electrical and hydraulic systems.

The flight crew initiated an emergency descent, and the aircraft was landed safely at Albuquerque International Airport 19 minutes after the engine failed. The 115 passengers and 12 crew members exited the aircraft by using the evacuation slides. As a result of the accident, one passenger died and 24 persons were treated for smoke inhalation, ear problems, and minor abrasions. The plane was repaired and was later flown by Pan Am.

One passenger, G.F. Gardner of Beaumont, Texas, was partially sucked into an opening left when a cabin window failed, after it too was struck by engine fragments. He was temporarily retained in that position by his seatbelt. "Efforts to pull the passenger back into the airplane by another passenger were unsuccessful, and the occupant of seat 17H was forced entirely through the cabin window." The New Mexico State Police and local organizations searched extensively for the missing passenger. A computer analysis was made of the possible falling trajectories, which narrowed the search pattern. However, the search effort was unsuccessful, and the body of the passenger was not recovered until two years later, when a crew constructing tracks for the Very Large Array radio telescope came upon his skeletal remains. So keeping your seatbelts buckled on during a flight, really can save your life, keep that in mind next time you fly!

How does an aircraft actually fly?

An aircraft can only take off if its engines provide enough forward thrust to cause an adequate volume of air to flow over its wings at a sufficient rate. The air flow separates when it comes up against the leading edges of the wings. As the wing has a cambered surface and the separated air molecules tend to join up again once they reach the end of the aerofoil, the air on the upper side of the wing flows faster than that beneath. This creates vacuum which provides the aircraft with lift. How fast the air has to flow over the wings depends, among other things, on the weight of the aircraft and the size of the aerofoil.

Incident of the week #20

Sometimes while you´re peacefully flying through the skies, something wrong happens and your peaceful flight turns up into a nightmare: oxygen masks deploy and the cabin catches on fire mid flight.

This happened this week to an OLT Espress Airbus A320, flying from Warsaw (Poland) to Hurghada (Egypt). The aircraft was normally flying at 37000 feet with 147 passengers and 8 crew on board when a slow decompression happened for some yet unknown reason. In the cockpit, among others, the SYS ON light on the overhead panel lighted up and masks where deployed all around the cabin. The flight crew immediately started an emergency descent towards Sofia (Bulgaria). But during the descent something else really bad happened. One thing that no crew wants to have on board is fire, and exactly a fire started up during the descent. So now, the crew was dealing with TWO big problems: decompression and fire. 

The flight crew did an amazing job and was able to land the aircraft in only 12 minutes (mind you, they were flying over FL370!). While that, cabin crew were trying to extinguish the fire that was now flaming out from the carpet and ceiling with their fire extinguishers.

One thing about oxygen generators is that they become extremely hot when deployed. Probably they were not stowed correctly, or some mechanical failure just happened, which got the generator producing some sparks and visible flames causing the carpet to catch fire. The fire was, thanks to a great cabin crew intervention, quickly extinguished. After landing and coming to a stop in the runway, the aircraft was successfully evacuated and no injuries occurred. 

Kudos to the crew, really nice job done!

This one never gets old!

Incident of the week #19

Sometimes while your airplane is cruising at 38000 feet and you´re enjoying your relaxing flight, reading some newspaper or savoring the entertainment system, oxygen masks suddenly appear in front of your nose and an automatic message streams trough every single loudspeaker, instructing you to pull them down and start breathing.

This happened this week to a domestic Vietnam Airlines Airbus A330 flight, flying from Hanoi to Ho Chi Minh City (Vietnam). Cruising altitude was already reached when about 30 minutes into the flight an indication of "loss of cabin pressure" was received in the cockpit. As a safety procedure, the flight crew immediately started an emergency descent diverting the aircraft from its initial planned destination and oxygen masks were dropped down. A few minutes later the aircraft safely landed in Da Nang (Vietnam). No injuries or damages occurred, but the cause for the incident hasn´t been found yet. The next day a replacement aircraft was brought to Da Nang that safely took all passengers to Ho Chi Minh.

no comments... :)

Incident of the week #18

Sometimes you´re just taking off from a large international airport, expecting to go home, flying with one of the best and safest airlines in Europe. But then you end up being evacuated in the middle of a grass field..

This happened this week to an Air Dolomiti ATR72, flying from Munique (Germany) to Venice (Italy). After taking-off, the flight who was carrying 58 passengers and 4 crew members was normally climbing when the pilots realised smoke was becoming visible and smelled in the cockpit. They then decided to abort climbing and divert to Munique. But while approaching to Munique, the right hand engine also begun to cause some problems and had do be shut down. While landing with only one engine the aircraft veered left off  the runway, impacting a transmissometer and came to a stop a few feet away from the runway, already outside the runway´s protected area with its nose damaged and front nose gear collapsed. All passengers had to be evacuated and no injuries occured.

Miles high club

People often ask if flight attendants also join the club. And I believe every one has pretty much the same answer: what happens at 38.000 feet, stays at 38.000 feet!! But here´s a small clue: I have seen too many toilets covered in vomit, blood, urine and faeces (on the seat, on the floor, on the bench, in the sink, even on the freakin´ ceiling) to even consider that to be exciting. Well, at least doing it in the lavatory!!

Incident of the week #17

Sometimes when a test/demo flight is being made, something terrible happens, perhaps due to the pressure from the business or the scenic side, that leads to the complete lost of the aircraft and souls on board.

This happened this week to a Sukhoi Superjet 95 departing and arriving from Jakarta (Indonesia). The demonstration flight was the second done that day and was carrying 37 passengers who were mostly potential buyers, 3 pilots, 3 flight attendants and 2 Sukhoi officials. About 30 minutes into the flight, while the aircraft was flying over Mount Salak, radio contact was lost. The crew had requested to descent to 6,000 feet and was cleared to do so by ATC, but after that no more communication was established. Mind you, Mount Salak is over 7,200 feet high.. The aircraft did not turn up to Jakarta or any other airports in the area and was "lost" for one whole day. It was then only found the next day while helicopters were searching the Mount Salak area.

Just looking at the massive deforestation, one can deduct how huge the impact was. And also confirm how steep the slop is, which are making the rescue and recovery work very difficult. In fact, first attempts to set rescuers down by helicopters failed. Only two days after the accident, rescuers were able to reach the crash site. Here you find a very nice blog entry about that. It´s worth reading it, and the pictures speak to itself.  Accessing the crash site from the air is impossible so about 1353 rescuers were sent in the field and with the help of ladders and ropes descended from the top of the cliff towards the the crash site. With the crash site found it had been confirmed that the plane had broken into small pieces after hitting the side of the mountain and there were no chance anyone had survived. So far 18 bodies have been recovered but DNA sample from their families must be provided in order to be able to identify them.

The precipitous terrain and thick fog had made it difficult for rescuers to collect the bodies.

The black boxes haven´t been found yet but an investigation has now been open. The pilots were experienced and the aircraft had done the same demo flight on the morning that same day, so it´s still early to make any conclusions for the reason of the crash. Perhaps they were trying to do a low fly to impress the potential buyers through the mountains and for some reason they didn´t see that cliff with enough anticipation due to a isolated cloud near the cliff or some type of distraction. Or perhaps they were flying over a cloud layer and requested a descent to 6,000 feet, in order to fly below that layer and have a view of the landscape, but they didn´t realise that the mountain was below them, maybe due to spacial disorientation which could have been generated by, again, some type of distraction. One thing´s for sure, and that we have learnt from past crashes history; there must have been not one single thing, but a lot of factors that lead to this accident. Looking at this photos, found from the debris, that were taken prior to and during the flight, showing the last moments of the crew and passengers makes anyone sad and thoughtful. I hope their families can find some peace.

Master Caution..

It was a long layover with the same crew, so at day 3 we all knew ourselves very well.

To comply with our safety procedures, I have to make a "cockpit check" regularly. So after setting the snacks/beverage trolley up for the service and before going into the jungle I went to the cockpit.

After opening the door, the words that came out of my mouth, were the same as usual:

- "So, everything alright up here guys?"

I couldn´t have chosen a better timing. As soon as I finished the question, the master caution button went on and a warning horn was banging loudly over and over again. At the EICAS, a short message was shown: "APU BLEED".

-"Well, I´m leaving, have fun with that guys!" - I said, and left the cockpit.

No wonders that at dinner that night they kept fooling me around saying that I had some strange vibes going on and said next time I should ask something else while entering the cockpit.

Next day, same crew, same aircraft. Airborne and after setting everything up I went to the cockpit. And not thinking about the day before I stupidly opened the door and asked exactly the same thing. Any guesses for what happened next? Exactly. As if planed, the same red master caution went on, the same warning horn was now slamming very loudly and the same message was displayed on the EICAS.

The two pilots looked at each other, then looked at me and I said:

-"Don´t say anything. I´m on my way outta here!!"

What´s the chance of that to happen?? So funny. And for now on, for them I´m the "Master Caution girl"

 :)

Courtesy of the Fabulous Flight Deck #3

After coming across to this 1970´s picture:



Captain exalts:

- "My oh my, back in my days, flight attendants used to dress like this. What happened? Where did the airline industry go wrong?

Incident of the week #16

Sometimes, even if you´re flying without passengers, an incident may happen and the crew has to evacuate themselves from the aircraft.

This happened this week, to a Saudi Arabian A300 flight from Madinah to Jeddah (Saudi Arabia). The flight originated in Mashad, Iran and then flew to Madinah where all the passengers disembarked the aircraft (their destination). The aircraft was then flown to Jeddah for repositioning purposes, with only 10 crew members on board. The flight went smooth, but just before landing in Jeddah, the crew had to abort the approach since the nose gear indicated unsafe. After unsuccefull tries to deploy the nose gear manually, the crew landed on runway 16L with the nose gear missing, came to a stop short of the runway end and was then evacuated via slides. All 10 crew members suffered no injuries.

Check-in ladies..

I was at the ticket counter, trying to change my standby ticket to a sooner flight that day, when suddenly a loud trolley-wheels sound was heard. Me and the four ladies (well, one was a guy - but you could count him as a lady too. Oh and yes, it took 4 people, 40 minutes and thousands of phone-calls to change a simple ticket!!) immediately turned our heads to where the sound was coming.

Check-in lady 1: - Uhh, nice bodies at 10 o´clock.

Check-in lady 2: - Seems to be a baseball team.

Check-in ladyboy 3: - Naa, seems more like soccer players.

Check-in lady 1: - Well one thing´s for sure, not swimmers.

Check-in ladyboy3: - Nor golfers.

Check-in lady 1: - Definitely basketball players.

Check-in lady 4: - Well for me, I don´t give a damn what they play. Because I would even pay just to be their trainer. Ohh yeahh..

Firstly I thought they were kidding, but I realise they seem to do this everyday (and honestly, galley gossiping can sometimes hit as low as that!). The thing is, they really got 100% distracted from their duties to have that conversation. Three gorgeous blond ladies, with long fake fingernails and hairdos and one even more gorgeous guy that plays for the other team, which cologne I could smell 20 feet away. And I tried so hard not to laugh my pants off, because what they were doing reminded me of this sketch.

Incident of the week #15

Sometimes it only takes one passenger to say something wrong and make an aircraft divert and land to the same place where it just took off. A lovely 35-minutes flight that ends in jail.

This happened this week to a PIA flight from Karachi to Bahawalpur (Pakistan). Everything was alright, until a passenger decided to discuss with a flight attendant shortly after departure. When the discussion started to escalate, the passenger used the magical words that will always make a pilot abort the flight and immediately land, no matter what: he stated he could hijack the aircraft. To comply with the safety procedure, the flight attendant immediately informed the captain who decided to  return to Karachi, landing there just 35 minutes after taking-off. The aircraft taxied to a remote taxiway, where police were already waiting. The passenger was arrested and later on told the police he was just joking. A security search was made after every single passenger had to disembark the aircraft, and as no suspicious items were found, the aircraft proceeded its way to Bahawalpur, but with a delay of 3 hours and one less passenger on board.

Because he "just" wanted to test it..

.. a 64 year-old passenger decided to activate the escape slide of a Boeing 757-300 emergency exit before departing from Stuttgart (Germany) as the cabin crew were performing the safety demonstration (at least someone´s paying attention, right?!). Thus, 234 passengers and 8 crew had to leave the plane and fly to Egypt with a replacement aircraft. The whole action caused a 5-hour delay and the passenger is now facing a 5-digit bill for the cost he has caused to the airline.

OMG!!

So, 4 hours into the flight, as I was gossiping with my captain in the galley (before you ask what a captain is doing outside the deck - he was just stretching his legs and waiting for the lavatory to become vacant), a very old and quite over weighted lady comes out the lavatory with some tears rolling down her face.

I immediately asked what was wrong. And then she started to tell about her cousin, who just had some kind of a stroke, and that she was so sad, and she´s so old and doesn´t know how to cop with it, and so on, so on.. I tried to comfort her and changed the subject. I told her she should just enjoy her holidays and not think much about her problems back home, I asked how long she was staying on the island, what she was up to, etc..

Then she says something about just turning 85 years-old. To make her feel happy I over-reacted saying:

-"Wow!! No way you´re 85.. How do you do that, you gotta tell me your secret!"

I was expecting her to tell me stuff like eating healthy, consuming no alcohol, being sporty... But what she replied, made my jaw fell off:

-"Did you notice my man? He´s sitting by the window just next to me".

I kinda nudged, but I had no idea who her man was. And she realised that. So she opened the galley curtain and pointed. Then left with a big smile.

And there he was, sitting at 4A. Me and the captain, had our heads sticking out the curtain, looked at the man, then looked at each other. Then looked again at 4A. And looked again at each other. The face expression my captain was doing must have been the same as mine. We were so chocked and were giggling so hard we had to run inside the cockpit.

The man sitting at 4A, was a very good looking young man, who was certainly in his mid-30´s, with an ebony ton colour and long dreadlocks. Her lover-boy.

Incident of the week #14

Sometimes, while birds are peacefully flying through the skies, a jet decides to cross their way and all the fun is over (well, at least for the small birdies, ´cause for the "big birdie" fun has just begun..)

This happened this week to a Delta Airlines Boeing 757 who was flying from New York to Los Angeles. Just a few seconds after take-off the flight crew aborted climbing due to a bird strike. After levelling at 1500 feet, the crew shut the right engine down and returned to New York for a safe landing, about 10 minutes after departure. After landing, the aircraft vacated the runway and stopped on the adjacent taxiway to have the engine checked which proved to be in a condition where an emergency evacuation wasn´t necessary. A replacement Boeing was needed and everyone arrived in Los Angeles with a 4-hour delay.

In this video, made by a passenger on that flight (naughty, naughty.. using an electronic device during take-off) you can clearly see a flock of birds on the right hand side. Astonishing are also the very loud bangs you hear due to the engine "blowing". Imagine yourself at the overwing-exit, hearing the uttering strong whangs. And if that wasn´t enough, seeing the several streaks of flames coming out from the engine until it was shut down. Not fun.

Have I missed something..

.. and no one told me we were having a live show of "Cirque du Soleil" performing on the hallway during the whole flight today???!! ´Cause It´s been a long time since I saw so much action and crazy entertaining passengers onboard!!

Princess Juliana International Airport

Maho Beach, on the Dutch Caribbean island of St. Maarten, is famous for its close proximity to Princess Juliana International Airport.

Because of the short runway (2,180 meters / 7.152 feet), aircraft have to touch down as close as possible to the beginning of the track to ensure a safe landing.

The beach is such a popular location for plane-spotters, that most bars and restaurants there have daily deprture and arrival boards.

Just came home from a flight..

.. it´s way too late and I have already set my alarm for tomorrow morning. But I have to write this down, so I can put my frustration away. Because today I felt sad. Sad and disappointed about mankind.

It all started in Rome, where we left with a short delay (what a surprise Italy...). That gave us a very short and stressful turnaround at out destination. When boarding began, a woman, who was traveling alone with her two sons (about 4 and 8 years old), came to me and asked if they could seat together. We were fully booked and, as she probably checked-in too late, they were all spread out: 3E, 8E and 14F. I politely explained her the situation and told her that as soon as everybody was on board, I would do my best to get a row for her.

And so I did. 3E and 3F were now free as I successfully managed to relocate those passengers. I sat the two kids down. Their mom was now seating at 4D. So I went to 3D and politely asked if he could move to the seat behind him, so the children could have their mother next to them. The answer he gave chocked me.

He said he would not change his seat because he was in a hurry and wanted to leave the aircraft as soon as possible. Now mind you, we did a very quick turnaround and were totally on time (later then, we even arrived ahead of schedule) and I was only asking him to seat one row, one single row behind the one he was now. I insisted again (because I really wasn´t getting his point) and then he said:

-"Stop bothering me now, I will not change my seat. And the mother is seating behind the kids, so I don´t get the problem".

You butthole, if you don´t get the problem seating just one row behind or ahead, then why the heck won´t you do that. He saw how I struggled the whole time trying to find a solution relocating passengers, it wasn´t fucking easy.

I never, ever discuss with a passenger, but this was just insane. We kept going on, because now I really just wanted to understand why. I was honestly flabbergasted. As we were going nowhere, the mother stopped me, thanked for my effort and said I should just leave it.

Even when I´m mad, I can put things away and act as they wouldn´t bother me. So when he asked me for a sparkling water during service, I could have just handed it to him  and go on. But no. I did what I always do when someone asks for sparkling water; I asked if he wanted a slice of lemon on it. And, as I do with everyone else, I asked if he wanted something else, perhaps a cup of coffee or a cuppa. I was polite, I smiled, I was considerate, even though I was dealing with a fucking idiot.

When the guy left the aircraft, I said "Goodbye". He despised me and didn´t even said a word. Even though that hurt, I was ok with that.

I don´t know how that man is sleeping tonight. How he doesn´t have a bad conscience for being the man he is. Because today he left a little 4-year old boy, that is sick with cancer, fly without his mother next to him.

One row. One single row..